Do you ever hear a song and think it must be written especially for you and your situation at that moment?

Anberlin never ceases to amaze me with the raw emotion poured into their music, and it always seems to come out at a time when I really need it. It's almost therapeutic for me.

There's one off their new album that fits my life so well right now, it almost gives me chills. The lyrics match my life and situation so well that I had to share.

"No Love To Speak"

I'm so tired of running
Chasing you into the ground
Wanted attention
You gave me warning instead
Affection warranted but not at your expense
Less than expected
But not at your address
Oh Sweetheart
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired of trying

Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak
Oh oh
And I've got no worlds beside me
You had your chance and now my heart is full
Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak

In tomorrow will you there
Regret your yesterday
In sorrow I'll wait here
To hear all you have to say
Attention granted but just a few years too late
I'll move beyond a kiss
A kiss and charade
I miss you
I missed you
I don't miss you at all

Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak
Oh oh
And I've got no worlds beside me
You had your chance and now my heart is full
Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak

Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak
Oh oh
And I've got no worlds beside me
You had your chance and now my heart is full
Oh oh
Now I've got no love to speak 

 

 

Do you know what the best part of running uphill is?

Eventually, there’s a downhill. A downhill run is probably one of the best feelings in the world; loud music playing in my ears, the wind in my face, and my legs pumping faster than I’m normally able. I feel free. I feel confident. I feel whole.

Running gives me a chance to clear my head, but also helps me to think. It’s the one time I can concentrate on a single thought at a time. Usually I have multiple thoughts running at the speed of light. It’s nearly impossible to slow my mind down. But while I’m running, my mind lets me concentrate. Some of my best ideas and clearest thoughts come during the hour or so while I’m on the trails.

Music is a big part of my runs. I have a playlist of songs that inspire me to run faster, keep going longer, and work harder. Ever since I was a kid, music has been a huge part of my life. I get that from my dad (anyone who has seen his music collection would probably agree). It’s not only the composition of the song that motivates me. It’s also the lyrics. Words can be powerful, and can inspire a huge range in emotions. I’ve always loved finding meaning in the words of a song. It’s often deeper than just something to sing along to. Sometimes the artist meant something a lot profound. And, sometimes the lyrics are especially meaningful to you, and you attach your own meaning and emotions to that particular song.

One particular song has found its way onto my running playlist recently. At first, it was just that I really enjoyed the beat and thought it would be a good song to set a pace to. But the more I listen to it on my runs, the more I think there’s something below the catchy tune. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a lot more introspective lately, but this song- “Anna Sun” by Walk The Moon- not only inspires me on my runs, but also pulls a bit at my heartstrings.

Admittedly, the first time I heard this song, I figured ‘Anna Sun’ was possibly a drug reference. The song seems to describe a fairly epic party- talking about rattling the town, sleeping on couches, and waking up sore the next morning. But, it’s the chorus that makes me believe it’s about something more.

“What do you know? this house is falling apart
What can I say? this house is falling apart
We got no money, but we got heart
We're gonna rattle this ghost town
This house is falling apart”

I think about what a house or home represents- comfort, belonging, safety, etc.- and I think this song is about losing that feeling, or that ‘home.’ To me, this song is about knowing that something you’ve been used to or depending on is coming to an end. As this ‘house’ falls apart, a period of your life is ending, and you can’t go back. Nothing will ever be the same. I think rattling this ghost town refers to that one last blow out- you know, that one last party before you graduate, the last time being with a group of friends before you all move away, the desperate try to fit a square peg into a circle. We, as humans, don’t like change. We desperately try to hold onto the past. I’ve always been guilty of it. I despise change.

But, I think I’m finally accepting that life needs to change. Holding onto things longer than you should makes life stagnant. I’m also working on forgiving. I not only have a problem with holding onto the past. I hold grudges. I’m making a commitment to let that go. It’s a pretty new development, but I already feel lighter and less bogged down.

I’m not really sure what the point of this posting was, exactly. I think I needed to just ramble a bit, and get a few things off my chest. If you made it all the way through this post, well, it’s probably because you have a lot of free time. Or, you’re someone close to me. Either way, thanks for taking the time to make it through my ramblings.

Here's a link to the song- just in case anyone else wants to add it to their playlist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDVW81bXo0s

You know that feeling? The one where your legs are shaky, and you’re dizzy and short of breath?

I think it’s pretty much the best feeling in the world. It means you’ve pushed yourself to your own limit, and you can feel yourself getting stronger. There is no better feeling in the world than being 4.5 miles into a run, and knowing your body has what it takes to make it to the finish. During, and for a few minutes after that run, I am invincible.

Running, for me, has always been a form of therapy. It’s one I’ve been turning to a lot lately. Some people need to talk things over. Some need a counselor. Me? I’ve never been very good at expressing myself. Putting my feelings into words has always been difficult for me, and I tend to avoid doing so. I’m getting better at it, but I still sound like a bumbling idiot sometimes when I try to express myself. That’s why I turn to running. I will stop for a while, but I always end up starting back up again.

I won’t say why I’ve been turning to my own form of therapy lately. Some of you know what’s going on in my life right now, but I’m not one to air my dirty laundry on the internet. If you don’t know, but you want to, just ask me. But, I will say I’ve recently realized I’ve given up a lot of myself in the past few years. I have put many of my goals aside, and given up some personal connections, which I regret every day. I have made it a personal goal to begin try to reach those dreams I once had, and I have been working reconnect with people I’ve lost contact with. If you’re one of those connections, and you think it’s too late, know that I am truly sorry, and I completely regret losing the friendship we once had.

Anyone who knows me knows that music plays a huge part in my life. I may not have any musical talent of my own, I’ve always found comfort in lyrics. Anyone who knows me also knows my love for the band Anberlin, and that their music has gotten me through more than one rough patch in my life. One of their songs stuck out to me on my run tonight, especially the very last section of it. I think it does a better job of explaining my feelings than I could myself at the moment.

“Don't wanna leave this world knowing I breathed in vain.
Looked out for myself, so sorry so ashamed.
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried
To chase down all my dreams that I hid away on the inside.

Live; I wanna live on fire.
Die; I wanna burn out brighter;
Brighter than the Northern lights.
I wanna live to feel the daylight.
The more I live I see, this life's not about me”

If anyone made their way through this whole post: Thanks. I’m sure all of this sounds jumbled and nonsensical, but it helps to put some of this into words. I’m not necessarily writing these for anyone to read them, but it’s there if you want to.

Keep on Keepin’ on. J